Something Of Benefit
Also Comes With Its Problems
Are you always
looking to the next chapter of your life because you're fed up with the one
you're living now? You wouldn't be the only one since many people wait for
things to improve because they are dissatisfied with the way things are. But
how much of it is perception? Do things actually improve when life gets better?
For example, those who win the lottery are worse off five to seven years later,
according to statistics. Most of them squander their winnings and are in more
debt than before they won the lottery. But how can this be? How can winning a
large sum of money lead a person to be worse off than before? Financial experts
believe they lack the financial skills to manage large sums of money and they
spend frivolously because they are certain the money will not run out.
We may experience
something similar if we believe getting what we want will make us happier. For
instance, the two main problems people often face in coaching relate to
finances and relationships. People are convinced when they have more money or a
loving partner, their problems will vanish. Is this something you believe? I
know I have. I wasn't aware that getting what I want also means getting
what I don't want. What do I mean? There are two sides to a coin, meaning
that something of benefit also comes with its problems. The key is to find
balance and harmony in what we want and not over-complicate matters.
Therefore,
attracting more money means having to give up something in order to earn it or
learning to manage money more effectively. Similarly, having a fulfilling
relationship has its downsides (which is favourable if you consider what you
gain). That is, we must invest our time and energy to cultivate the
relationship, otherwise our partner might not stay around for long. That is to
say, when we are looking for a relationship, we are heavily invested in the
process but we don't realise how much time and energy is required to sustain
it. This is a desirable quality because anything worth building requires two
people to invest their time and energy to create a strong foundation. Some
people are not aware of what it requires to maintain and build a relationship
and so they stop contributing to it at some point. They divest their energy and
the relationship falls apart. I once heard a relationship counsellor suggest
that people stay parked in relationships which is why it eventually ends.
Be Invested In The
Life You Have Now
If we wish for the
next chapter of our life to arrive, we must be aware of the problems that go
with it. If we are not ready for what life will bring, we will lose what we
gain. That is why the title of this article reads: The Next Chapter Of Your
Life Begins With The One You're Living Now. What am I referring to?
The life you're living now is the one you created, whether consciously or
unconsciously. You attracted the conditions and even though it may be full of
challenges and setbacks, there may be a reason for it. So wishing away the pain
and disappointment means wishing away the personal growth that accompanies it.
Some might say: "Tony, why would I want to attract health problems and a
lack of money?" I don't know your particular situation but it is my
experience people attract their life's conditions on an unconscious level
because they haven't transformed their limiting beliefs with what they
want. Does this make sense, insofar as your inner conflicts will make
themselves visible in your reality until you reconcile them?
For example, if you
unconsciously hold limiting beliefs of your unworthiness to attract a loving
relationship, no matter how many dating sites you sign up to, you are bound to
experience disappointment. I'm not suggesting everyone on dating sites will experience
pain and heartache. There are many thousands of people who find a devoted
partner every day because they are ready for it and have done the work to
transform their limiting beliefs. Pain and disappointment can highlight areas
of our life we must devote our attention to. It requires self-examination on
why we are attracting those circumstances. For instance, a person with poor
financial skills might attract unwanted financial conditions until they honour
their self-worth. Perhaps they were brought up with a tough parent who
criticised them. They may have adopted this belief which now shows up through
their finances.
So what I'm trying
to say is: until we recognise what is stopping us from attaining what we want,
we will continue to attract undesirable conditions. We can change strategies
and enlist the help of coaches, guides and mentors and some of it may work.
However, if we are not committed to our personal growth, we will go back to our
old ways eventually. It requires being invested in the life we have now. Your
problems and challenges are the keys to your redemption. As the aphorism
states: "The obstacle is the way." It is showing the exit off the
freeway so you may experience better living conditions. But the price you must
pay is doing the work to remove any unconscious impediments that stand in your
way. With this in mind, I'd like you to give some thought to areas of your life
where you feel held back. Write in your journal or diary how you may be
unconsciously sabotaging yourself. What is the trade-off? What do you get by
living these unconscious beliefs? Perhaps you prefer to remain safe in your
comfort zone? Every belief serves a purpose, even ones that limit our
potential. Ultimately, if we are constantly expecting the next chapter of our life
to arrive without living the one we have now, we will attract situations that
are not for our highest good.
