Perfectionism's
roots often lie in early childhood. Today I invite you to explore those roots
as you begin to reduce your perfectionism using these 5 friendly tips.
We'll start by
looking more closely at the verbal and nonverbal messages you received growing
up. That will help you take the next step, as you identify the hidden agendas
that sabotage you. These insights, in turn, free you to start replacing those
undermining messages and agendas with clear intentions and supportive
self-talk!
1. What
Perfectionist Messages Were You Given as a Child?
Think back to when
you were young and first experienced pressures to be perfect. What
explicit, spoken messages did you receive about being perfect?
List them, then ask yourself the following:
·
Who delivered these messages?
·
What was your response?
·
What patterns, springing from those days, do you continue in your adult
life?
2. What Nonverbal Perfectionist Messages Influenced You?
What actions did
you witness as a child that spurred your desire to be perfect? Was
perfectionism modeled by important people in your life? Were you trying to
compensate for some lack with perfection?
·
Describe what you observed and experienced.
·
How did you feel?
·
In what ways do you perpetuate this in your adult life?
Now, step back and
appreciate the insights that you are opening yourself to. What lessons are you
learning about the things that triggered your early desire to be
"perfect"? Notice how, when you look at those ancient messages now,
you can see just how outdated they are. This undercuts their power over you in
the present!
3. Use Your Powers
of Logic to Reduce Perfectionism.
You can overcome
perfectionist paralysis with logical questions. The next time you say,
"But it's still not perfect," ask yourself:
·
What would be perfect?
·
How would an impartial observer describe the project right now?
·
What does this tell you?
Perfectionism
paralyzes, undermining your ability to move forward. No matter how essential
your excessive standards might seem, they actually prevent you
from achieving your potential.
So the next time
you feel immobilized by perfectionism, use logic to create a positive
foundation to move from.
4. Reclaim Your
Power by Naming Your Hidden Agendas.
Self-defeating
behaviors that stubbornly resist change often mask hidden agendas. Perhaps your
strong desire to be perfect protects an illusion. Deep down, you might believe
that "perfection" protects you from criticism. Or maybe focusing on
tiny details helps you avoid challenges that feel scary. Of course, this illusion
of safety comes at a steep price!
However, if the
unreachable goal of perfection manifests in your life, it's probably because
you thought it would somehow help you. Now you can claim the power to choose
productivity and proactive strength rather than illusory and impossible
perfection.
5. 3 Simple
Questions Expose Hidden Agendas.
Ready to zero in on
your hidden agendas? The ones that propel you toward perfectionism in your life
today? Here are 3 questions that will help you uncover your unrealistic standards
and create a path to move beyond the illusion of perfection. Remember to remain
compassionate as you explore your answers. Your goal is to liberate yourself,
not judge yourself!
1. What are you trying
to cover up by being perfect?
2. What challenges do
you face when you don't cover up?
3. What benefits come
from meeting these challenges with realism and resourcefulness?
Give yourself a few
minutes to answer each question. What patterns do you discover?
Just look at all
you've uncovered and learned. In childhood, you did your best to keep yourself
safe. Now, invite yourself to stretch. As you leave perfectionism behind and
explore brave new vistas, think of all you'll find!
And to move toward
your Heart-Based Time Success, sign up for our free gift, The Finding Time
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