Life Changes At The
Drop Of A Hat
What rules do you
live by? I'm not talking about those that govern what you eat or how you dress
but something more meaningful. What rules dictate your life? For example, many
people establish rules for how their life should be or not be. When things
don't turn out as planned, they feel like things are falling apart. Have you
experienced something like this before? Equally, there are people that have rules
about the person they should date or marry. We hear about this all the time
where the person must have certain physical traits, earn a particular income or
come from a specific demographic or ethnicity. However, rules don't work all
the time and some of them should be ignored, as George Bernard Shaw remarks in
the title quote.
We can't expect to
live a purposeful life bound by rules. Some rules are set by loved ones from an
early age and we take them on into adulthood. Other rules are established by us,
in the face of adversity or hardship. Sometimes, we establish rules to protect
us from getting hurt, regarding dating and relationships. We set boundaries on
what we will accept or not accept in a person. But is this the way to live? Can
we place boundaries and restrictions on ourselves and the way our life should
develop? Whilst it's normal to abide by values and beliefs, we must be careful
to upgrade the rules we set for ourselves. As you know, life can change at the
drop of a hat. This means who we were a decade ago is not the same person we
are today. If we abide by the rules from that period, we are not living
intentionally but following a script like a computer program.
It Is The Intention
You Set
Does this make
sense, insofar as it requires re-examining the rules we set in place as we
mature throughout our life? When I was young, I had rules about the way my life
should play out. How people should treat me, what type of work I would be doing
and my relationship status. And guess what? None of it worked out for me. Why?
Because life interceded and showed me otherwise. Life proved repeatedly that my
rules were insignificant in my life's narrative. Moreover, as my consciousness
expanded my circumstances reflected this change. I liken it to white water rafting
in a torrential river and determining how the journey will unfold before you
set out. Suddenly, you are besieged with uncompromising conditions and you
realise your rules did not take this into account.
This is what
happens to many people when they establish rules. Life shows up and proves
their rules don't hold up. Now, from the tone of this article you might get the
impression I am against having rules. This is not the case, what I am
advocating is being mindful whether our rules are working for us and changing
them as we evolve. Rules, like beliefs, must change with our circumstances,
otherwise they are no more useful than the money we play with in a Monopoly
game. Unless you are five years old and believe that Monopoly money holds
currency, rules have the same effect. They hold us back from living in
alignment with our highest values and intentions. They restrict us from being
engaged with life. Rules are as effective as the person who creates them.
Behind every rule is a positive intention to move forward with joy and
enthusiasm or succumb to fear and criticism. If we create rules from a place of
fear, they will show up every time. So, if we have been hurt in earlier
relationships and establish rules to protect us, we hold ourselves back from
engaging in love and intimacy. We build barricades to protect us instead of
healing and transforming our pain and disappointments. Are you with me so far?
Are you beginning to see that while rules can be helpful, it is the intention
you set that dictates whether your rules are serving you?
With this in mind,
I'd like you to do a brief exercise. Write on a sheet of paper or in your
Journal, at least five rules you live by. They can be related to any area of
life whether it be: career, dating, finances, health or otherwise. Create two
columns and in the left-hand column, title the header: "Rules I Live
By." Write your rules below. In the right-hand column, title the header:
"Is This Working For Me Or Against Me?" Examine your five rules and
decide whether or not they are working in your favour. How will you know? Look
at the quality of your life. For example, are you in a happy, loving
relationship? If not, go back to the rule you created for relationships and
examine whether it is serving you. Go through the other rules and take an
honest inventory of whether they are helping you or holding you back from
living purposefully. Be careful in your evaluation not to apply a confirmation
bias to make yourself feel better. Ultimately, when you let go of the rules,
things not only get simpler but life will show you whether you're living from a
place of fear or a place of love.
