6 Steps to Achieve Any Goal
Showing posts with label smile. Show all posts
Showing posts with label smile. Show all posts
Sunday, December 1, 2019
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Thursday, November 28, 2019
Monday, November 25, 2019
Friday, November 22, 2019
Wednesday, November 20, 2019
Tuesday, November 19, 2019
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Thursday, November 14, 2019
Wednesday, November 13, 2019
How Not to Take Yourself So Seriously: 5 Practices
Do not take life
too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
-- Elbert Hubbard
Last week I was offered another lesson at the indoor pool where I swim. Sunday, it seems, has become everyone's favorite day. The pool was packed. Lane designations are important when it's crowded, and two lanes are reserved for slower, leisurely swimmers--like me.
So, I was in the
first leisure lane with two other swimmers, while another very slow swimmer was
in the second lane. Things were flowing well until three guys got into
the second leisure lane with the slower swimmer. They were much faster
and kept running into him--literally.
I got upset and
finally spoke to the guys, who had gathered at the end of the pool as I was
getting out. I was fairly centered, friendly, curious, and assertive.
I asked if this was a new pool for them (no, they'd come a few times),
and if they knew that some lanes were reserved for slower swimmers (yes,
they knew that). Then, as if in reply to my silence, they
said, "We're slow!" I laughed and said they seemed pretty
fast to me. At the same moment, they noticed a swimmer leaving the medium lane
and decided to move over.
I felt okay about
the interaction. Glad that I'd had the courage of my convictions, and also
wishing I'd been maybe a little more centered. I like to practice centering by
thinking in percentages. And I was maybe 60-70% in that moment. If I'd been
100%, instead of laughing, I might have listened more, and then explained that
in my experience at this pool, they were fast swimmers for that lane.
Rule #6
Benjamin Zander,
conductor of the Boston Philharmonic, author and motivational speaker, writes
about creating a life that works, and the influence we have in helping others
to do the same. One of his lessons and best stories revolves
around what he calls "Rule #6", which is:
Don't take yourself
so g--damn seriously.
5 Practices
I'm pretty familiar
with this mental habit of taking myself too seriously, and have five practices
that help me catch myself. They fall into two categories:
Committed Practices
1) I meditate
daily. A brief time to sit quietly and do nothing each day is restorative over
the long term.
2) I
exercise. Personally, I enjoy swimming and walking, and do one or both every day.
Rituals and
Spontaneous Practices
3) I catch myself. I notice the
mental or physical tension and relax. Try it now: lower your shoulders,
lengthen your spine, and feel the weight of gravity rooting you to the earth's
surface.
4) I breathe and
smile at myself. You can do this anytime: exhale and focus on your breathing. Notice
how it moves in and out of your body. Count breaths and smile internally.
You'll begin to get your perspective back.
5) I do something
for me. Have a cup of tea. Take a walk. Read a book. Move. Dance. Sing. Go out
into the garden. Look out the window. Do what works for you.
So maybe I could
have chosen one of those practices last Sunday at the pool. I could
have noticed myself winding up, smiled and relaxed. I could have minded my
own business instead of designating myself the "lane police." That's
what lifeguards are for.
Did I really need
to speak? Was I taking myself too seriously? I'm still not sure.
It was a ki moment, and I'm still learning from it. Maybe next time
(there will be a next time), I'll smile at myself,
relax, take a deep breath, and--like Dory says--"just keep swimming."
What practices help
you to stop taking yourself too seriously?
About the Author: Judy Ringer is the author of two
books, Turn Enemies into Allies: The Art of Peace in the Workplace and Unlikely
Teachers: Finding the Hidden Gifts in Daily Conflict
Tuesday, November 12, 2019
Friday, November 8, 2019
Thursday, November 7, 2019
Wednesday, November 6, 2019
Monday, November 4, 2019
Saturday, November 2, 2019
Friday, November 1, 2019
Monday, October 28, 2019
Self-Restraint - Vital for Personal Growth?
They say that if you want a favour done, ask a busy person.
There are some people who are more willing than others to go out of their way
to be helpful even though they have a lot on their plate already. I guess the
rest of us are not quite so generous with our time. We like to spend our spare
moments indulging our own needs and pleasures. Whether these be bodily
comforts, enjoyable projects, going on trips or whatever. If it doesn't come
naturally to one to give up things for others, then a question arises. Do we
need to learn to curtail what we want for ourselves? Is self-restraint
necessary for personal growth?
The difference
between the actual and ideal self
When we think of our ideal-self we soon appreciate how far short we fall of who we would like to become. For example, altruism is often seen as a worthy aspiration: helping others instead of self-serving behaviour. Altruistic people heroically risked their own lives by giving shelter, or otherwise aiding Jews, in Nazi occupied Europe.
When we think of our ideal-self we soon appreciate how far short we fall of who we would like to become. For example, altruism is often seen as a worthy aspiration: helping others instead of self-serving behaviour. Altruistic people heroically risked their own lives by giving shelter, or otherwise aiding Jews, in Nazi occupied Europe.
Forgiveness is
another ideal. Who would disagree with the idea that when someone has been
rotten to us and we successfully control the impulse to retaliate, then we
become a source of healing rather than pain.
"Life improves
by giving, and listening." (Roger Walsh, Australian
scholar in Psychiatry, Philosophy and Anthropology)
But how to become
our ideal?
Incongruity between
feelings, thoughts and actions
Some writers take the view that personal development simply means gaining self-insight and realising one's inner potential by getting in touch with one's true self. There is a problem however with the view that awareness and understanding is sufficient for personal growth. No matter what insights we have and ideals we possess, we continue to notice some sort of contrast between habitual conduct and how we would like to be.
Some writers take the view that personal development simply means gaining self-insight and realising one's inner potential by getting in touch with one's true self. There is a problem however with the view that awareness and understanding is sufficient for personal growth. No matter what insights we have and ideals we possess, we continue to notice some sort of contrast between habitual conduct and how we would like to be.
'It's hard to sit
down and meditate after a day of lying, cheating and hurting people.' (Jack
Kornfield, American teacher in Theravada Buddhism)
Our self-orientated
emotions continue to affect what we think and do. No matter how much I tell
myself to feel sympathy towards my rival, or show tolerance to my noisy
neighbour, I cannot immediately change my negative feelings towards them.
New desires come
from new behaviour and thoughts.
When someone makes me cross and upset, I cannot immediately change how I feel. But there is some good news. What I can do is change my thinking and behaviour. Instead of focusing on resentful thoughts, I might bring to mind someone's good points. And this can help moderate my anger. Likewise, instead of raising my voice and clenching my fists, I could speak more quietly and try to relax my body. In these ways my feelings can be slowly modified.
When someone makes me cross and upset, I cannot immediately change how I feel. But there is some good news. What I can do is change my thinking and behaviour. Instead of focusing on resentful thoughts, I might bring to mind someone's good points. And this can help moderate my anger. Likewise, instead of raising my voice and clenching my fists, I could speak more quietly and try to relax my body. In these ways my feelings can be slowly modified.
Self-restraint and
dishonesty
Having self-restraint over the things we say can be important. There is an expression, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." Telling exaggerated and unhelpful stories about someone not present to defend him or herself is careless speech. Another form of dishonesty is reciting small lies to protect our reputation and then bigger lies to justify the little lies. Better to control our impulse to defend ourselves.
Having self-restraint over the things we say can be important. There is an expression, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." Telling exaggerated and unhelpful stories about someone not present to defend him or herself is careless speech. Another form of dishonesty is reciting small lies to protect our reputation and then bigger lies to justify the little lies. Better to control our impulse to defend ourselves.
No longer being
dishonest can lead to more trust and thus authentic friendships. In other
words, self-restraint in the way we conduct ourselves can affect the quality of
our lives.
In a similar way,
in relation to other ethical issues, we can challenge habitual ways of thinking
and instead do what conscience tells us is right. This instead of automatically
pursuing our natural impulses.
"The greatest
thing is a strong rule, and of the greatest rulers he is best who first can
rule himself." (Apollinius of Tyrana, Greek philosopher)
Gandhi and
self-restraint
Mahatma Gandhi witnessed and himself suffered dreadful racial discrimination when living in South Africa. Many would have become embittered and a supporter of violence against this social injustice. Instead, he looked on his abusers as potential friends rather than foes. Rather than slander them, he held fast to the truth.
Mahatma Gandhi witnessed and himself suffered dreadful racial discrimination when living in South Africa. Many would have become embittered and a supporter of violence against this social injustice. Instead, he looked on his abusers as potential friends rather than foes. Rather than slander them, he held fast to the truth.
The Buddha and
self-restraint
I would suggest the legend of Siddhartha Gautama (the Buddha) shows that self-restraint is necessary for enlightenment, although it can be taken too far. Siddhartha's father, the King, surrounded his son with every worldly pleasure and commanded that he be kept ignorant of sickness, decrepitude and death. But when the prince saw evidence of human vulnerability and mortality, he finally resolved to retire from the world in search of nirvana. After six years of extreme ascetic practice that proved futile, tradition says, Siddhartha finally succeeded in his quest by means of various austerities, reflection and inner struggle. It seems that extreme self-restraint does not necessarily work but nevertheless a moderate degree of it can be necessary for spiritual growth.
I would suggest the legend of Siddhartha Gautama (the Buddha) shows that self-restraint is necessary for enlightenment, although it can be taken too far. Siddhartha's father, the King, surrounded his son with every worldly pleasure and commanded that he be kept ignorant of sickness, decrepitude and death. But when the prince saw evidence of human vulnerability and mortality, he finally resolved to retire from the world in search of nirvana. After six years of extreme ascetic practice that proved futile, tradition says, Siddhartha finally succeeded in his quest by means of various austerities, reflection and inner struggle. It seems that extreme self-restraint does not necessarily work but nevertheless a moderate degree of it can be necessary for spiritual growth.
Christ and
self-restraint
According to the biblical description, the developing spiritual life of Jesus Christ, also involved self-control in times of great difficulty. He must have had to restrain various natural emotions. For example impatience when his apostles were slow to understand Him, resentment when the religious leaders wanted to discredit Him, and animosity when people conspired to kill him. Instead he responded with patience, tolerance and forgiveness. And his anguish whilst praying in the Garden of Gethsemane is a vivid example of his inner struggle with his demons.
According to the biblical description, the developing spiritual life of Jesus Christ, also involved self-control in times of great difficulty. He must have had to restrain various natural emotions. For example impatience when his apostles were slow to understand Him, resentment when the religious leaders wanted to discredit Him, and animosity when people conspired to kill him. Instead he responded with patience, tolerance and forgiveness. And his anguish whilst praying in the Garden of Gethsemane is a vivid example of his inner struggle with his demons.
Self-restraint and
inner struggle
To sum up, it seems that self-restraint and inner struggle are an important part of the process of spiritual development. These can occur when we experience an inner conflict between 'what I want' and 'what I want to want' - that is to say between the natural desires of our self-orientation and what we appreciate is a better way of living.
To sum up, it seems that self-restraint and inner struggle are an important part of the process of spiritual development. These can occur when we experience an inner conflict between 'what I want' and 'what I want to want' - that is to say between the natural desires of our self-orientation and what we appreciate is a better way of living.
"The heart of
the self-controlled man is always in the Inner Kingdom." (Lao Tse,
ancient Chinese philosopher)
Sunday, October 27, 2019
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