Judgement And
Gratitude Are Opposing Forces
Did you know that
judgement impairs our ability to identify what is really taking place in a
situation? We may not have the full details and are likely to judge something
based on limited information. We tend to distance ourselves through our
judgements and become disillusioned with what we find. For example, it is
easier to judge another person than to know them on a deeper level. This is
because it requires a commitment to invest ourselves and we might be
disappointed if the other person does not reciprocate. Therefore, judgement
keeps us safe because we transfer our feelings of fear, shame and guilt onto
others to make ourselves feel better. This comes at a cost of alienating
ourselves instead of building stronger connections.
The way out of
judgement is through the power of gratitude, which helps us see things through
a different lens. Gratitude opens the door to our hearts and helps us consider
things from a different perspective. It softens us in places where we were
rigid. A heart filled with gratitude is unlike a heart filled with judgement,
fear and anger. In fact, the heart does not harbour these emotions as much as
the mind does through its ego attachment. Consequently, judgement and gratitude
are opposing forces. One is the realm of the ego and the other is expressed
through authentic goodness and compassion. Have you experienced something
similar in your own life? Perhaps you judged another person wrongly and realised
later there was more to the person than meets the eye? It is common to react
this way and psychologist say it is attributed to an evolutionary role within
our brains that screens for negativity.
Be More Tolerant
And Grateful Of Others
But how can we
overcome our judgement to perceive things more clearly? Surely, judgement
hinders our experience of life? The key to recognising our judgement lies in
being mindful of our thoughts. I often tell coaching clients when they notice
themselves judging, to stop and ask a simple question: "What am I not
seeing in this situation?" This helps us notice where we are blinded by
our bias and unable to see the truth. It is my experience that judgement occurs
mainly in our interaction with people. We are unaware of other people's motives
and agendas because we bring our own distorted thinking to the process. Most
times, we prefer to be right than wrong, even if it means upholding erroneous
thoughts.
This was evident
with the disgraced seven time Tour de France winner, Lance Armstrong who
convinced himself and others he did not cheat. He went to great lengths to
dismiss his use of illegal performance-enhancing substances. In an interview
with Oprah Winfrey, he said that his lies were so convincing they eventually
become truth. This example shows the complexity of human beings where a lie can
be believed with such conviction that it becomes our truth. But as you know,
upholding a lie is harder than speaking the truth. In contrast, the power of
gratitude allows us to shift our attention to the truth, even if it means our
feelings will be hurt. Gratitude helps us become aware of opportunities, even
if we have to look hard, there is always something to appreciate. Gratitude
flips the switch from fear and judgement to compassion and understanding. It is
the bridge whereupon friendships and tolerance is born.
To cross the bridge
from judgement to gratitude requires openness and awareness. The openness to
trust we don't completely understand what is taking place. The awareness that
we are judging something to appease ourselves or minimise another's self-worth.
Through an expanded awareness, we recognise our habituated thoughts patterns
and are able to break the cycle. We move from the egoic need to judge something
or someone and into our hearts where all possibilities exist. We learn to be
more tolerant and grateful of others instead of believing in a fabricated lie.
The more we understand something, the more tolerant we become of ourselves and
others. Tolerance leads to forgiveness and empathy which are the seeds of
soulful living.
With that in mind,
I'd like you to consider a current situation in which you have judged something
or someone unfairly. How could you see things differently and appreciate what
is taking place behind the scenes? What action could you take to come from a
place of gratitude and compassion instead of judgement and fear? Sometimes, the
smallest action requires making eye contact with another person. Notice the
difference in your body and how you feel when you move into your heart instead
of your head? It is only when we let go of judgement that the power of
gratitude opens the door to our heart and brings the awareness to see things
exactly as they are.
