Negative Emotions
Often Leave Clues
I want you to close
your eyes and think of a difficult experience affecting you right now. Before
you read any further, do this simple step to get a sense of how the problem is
upsetting you. You may experience a range of emotions and I invite you to
welcome them. Don't push them away because they are uncomfortable. Allow them
to be present since unpleasant emotions can teach us something valuable if we
are present to them. Good, now open your eyes and let's talk more about your
problems. Thankfully, you are one of billions of people on this earth lucky
enough to experience challenges. Lucky you say? Are you insane Tony? How am I
lucky to have problems? You are lucky because your challenges contain the seeds
of opportunities you have yet to discover.
Challenges contain
enormous growth and when we overcome them, we can never go back to our old way
of life. They help us recognise the endless possibilities and expand our consciousness.
When I asked you to contemplate a current problem earlier, you no doubt
experienced the negative emotions associated with it? And you would be right to
feel this way because from where you stand the problem seems insurmountable.
However, when you bridge the gap, it is diminished and you are able to see your
challenges from a new perspective. You're unable to perceive your problem with
that mindset now because you haven't gained the necessary growth.
It's easy to see
how our challenges expose our weaknesses, but we ought to think of it
differently: they also reveal our strengths. If we accept the emotions that
arise, we can work through our challenges more effectively. For example, I
remember working with a young woman named Jennifer within a coaching capacity.
Each time she experienced difficulties in her life, she would call me in a
frenzy and explain how the situation was consuming her. One day during a
coaching session, I invited her to tackle her challenges without allowing her
anxiety, fear and frustration to get the better of her. I asked her to welcome
these feelings since they were trying to teach her something valuable.
Previously, she wanted to get rid of them because they didn't feel good. And I
understand she would feel that way, however negative emotions can show us where
we need to direct our attention.
The Distance
Between The Problem And The Solution
Does this make
sense? Are you comfortable with the idea that negative emotions serve a purpose
and we needn't feel helpless because of them? I counselled Jennifer to be aware
of her response and not push the emotions away, since they were trying to teach
her something important. Given she felt anxious and irritated each time, meant
the problem was important to her. It requires changing our response so we
remain calm instead of reacting to what is taking place. We ought to interact
with our core emotions and work through the issues instead of
responding negatively. For example, if you asked someone close to you whether
the situation you're experiencing is a major problem, they might think
otherwise. The reason you react to it, is that you are heavily invested in the
outcome. I'm not suggesting this is detrimental, I am implying you accept your
feelings by changing your response to what it means.
People believe
problems expose their weaknesses because of the negative emotions that
accompany it. If we experience fear, frustration and anger we might believe we
are incapable of overcoming the experience because of the negativity involved.
But they are signposts informing us the problem is important to us, otherwise
we wouldn't be experiencing them. So, welcome the negative
emotions and process them as best you can and then deal with the problem before
you. Can you do this? Can you give yourself the gift of looking at your
problems from a new perspective instead of staying mired in negativity? I
assure you, you can overcome any obstacle life throws at you. It's a matter of
biting through it one piece at a time, chewing it thoroughly and digesting what
you need to.
You are not meant
to bridge the gap from problem to solution in one go, otherwise you would be a
genius. Problems and challenges arise because of the lessons and growth
required for our life's journey. They occur because the distance between
the problem and the solution is where progress takes place. We can't
rush the growth any more than wishing a rose would grow quicker when planting
the seed. We must nurture it daily with: water, proper soil and sunlight. And
so it is with our challenges. Knowing this, I'd like you to return to your
earlier problem. Write all the emotions you are experiencing on the left-hand
side of a piece of paper or journal. Next to each emotion, write what you
consider is the opposite of that emotion. For example if you feel fear, what is
the opposite of fear for you? Is it: courage, faith, hope or patience? Once
you've gone through the list, reflect on what these negative states are
inviting you to know. Contemplate them first thing in the morning and the last
thing at night. Trust that your current situation is calling you to overcome
your weaknesses to reveal your true strength of character.
